Destiny's Step Child: Top 100 Pop Songs of the Decade

Every year, people ask me why I rank my favorite songs. Let me think about that...

When I look back at the beginning of the decade, I see myself in high school. And while it's a safe bet that most of us are somewhat embarrassed by who we were 10 years ago, especially when you're trying to finish puberty, I don't really cringe too much at what I used to wear (although I should!), what I thought was cool (or as we'd say back then, coolio) or what my AIM screen name used to be. That being said, I deserve to be a social pariah for wearing shutter shades for an 8th grade phase, but that was 2008. Sorry, I'm being vulnerable. There's a point to this. Anyways...

Instead, when I look back at who I was 10 years ago, I mostly feel empty. When you're growing up and just realizing you're gay, the world can be cruel to you, or at least you perceive that to be the case. Everyone used the word "gay" in such a negative context that I was made to feel that gay would be the worst thing in the world to be. So growing up in a time where that was the biggest buzz word for bullies reminded me every day of how terrible of a person my peers, but mostly just me, thought I was. My response to that? Pretending it didn't exist. Anything about my personality that I perceived to be effeminate, whether it was the things I said, the movies/shows I liked or the music I listened to, I tried to hide, or worse, stop. This, in a perfect cocktail with the social anxiety I already had, is why I look back and feel empty.

To be honest, I probably did a shit job at hiding that. I wore a Chelsea Lately T-shirt to school and tennis practice some days. (My defense back then? "She's hot!") But that aggressive mentality of trying to conceal or change my interests naturally made it emotionally taxing in the journey to become my own person. I couldn't talk about Disney or celebrities without being called gay, I deleted pop songs on my iPod so my friends wouldn't see my "gay" taste in music, I only talked about things everyone else liked (The Office, the Megan Fox vs Jessica Alba hotness debate, whatever Kanye was doing) so I knew I wouldn't get judged if I talked about them. If you go back on my Facebook, you can see direct evidence of this. One of my favorites is me photoshopping myself with Kristen Bell and Megan Fox, pretending to have a crush on both.

God only knows what is happening in this picture.

And this revelation of "I tried to be cool in high school" is nothing new, I know. I'm not pretending it is. Everyone's gone through this in some form. In my case, I just interpreted how society perceived me being different as something to be extremely shameful about every single day.

This was something I coped with some days better than others. But it was unfulfilling not being able to say I loved Demi Lovato's music. Or that I wanted to see High School Musical 3 in theaters (I saw it a decade later in 2018, it sucked). Thankfully, when I started college, I was done with this poisonous, complacent mentality, and I did something different: I talked about what I liked and what I didn't like, without fear of judgement. And that is one of the best decisions I've ever made.

In college, and since high school, I've made it a point to be more vulnerable, whether it's in person, on social media, writing this post, wherever. Not vulnerable like "hi person I just met at this party, you're my therapist now," but just more willing to express myself as I once tried not to do at a crucial time in developing my identity. An example of this was in 2015, when I decided to make a list of my most favorite pop songs of that year. 4 years later, that countdown, now a personal tradition, remains strong. And since we're about to start a new decade, I decided to honor the last decade of music I've listened to (even listing some I shut out while growing up) for you all here. And it's got plenty Demi Lovato, Beyoncé, and sadly even some Kanye. Because there's nothing wrong with having overlapping tastes with cool high schoolers :)

People ask me why I rank my favorite songs. One, because I love sharing the things I love now. Two, because it shows me how far I've came.

Happy new decade!
Ian
Or as I was known on AIM, computerdude12 😔

Scroll down for the list, but also are some spotify playlists if that's more convenient!

Left: Top 200, Right: Top 1000 🥵

THE LIST:

100: Say Yes (feat. Beyoncé & Kelly Rowland) - Michelle Williams