Every year, people ask me why I rank my favorite songs. Let me think about that...
When I look back at the beginning of the decade, I see myself in high school. And while it's a safe bet that most of us are somewhat embarrassed by who we were 10 years ago, especially when you're trying to finish puberty, I don't really cringe too much at what I used to wear (although I should!), what I thought was cool (or as we'd say back then, coolio) or what my AIM screen name used to be. That being said, I deserve to be a social pariah for wearing shutter shades for an 8th grade phase, but that was 2008. Sorry, I'm being vulnerable. There's a point to this. Anyways...
Instead, when I look back at who I was 10 years ago, I mostly feel empty. When you're growing up and just realizing you're gay, the world can be cruel to you, or at least you perceive that to be the case. Everyone used the word "gay" in such a negative context that I was made to feel that gay would be the worst thing in the world to be. So growing up in a time where that was the biggest buzz word for bullies reminded me every day of how terrible of a person my peers, but mostly just me, thought I was. My response to that? Pretending it didn't exist. Anything about my personality that I perceived to be effeminate, whether it was the things I said, the movies/shows I liked or the music I listened to, I tried to hide, or worse, stop. This, in a perfect cocktail with the social anxiety I already had, is why I look back and feel empty.
To be honest, I probably did a shit job at hiding that. I wore a Chelsea Lately T-shirt to school and tennis practice some days. (My defense back then? "She's hot!") But that aggressive mentality of trying to conceal or change my interests naturally made it emotionally taxing in the journey to become my own person. I couldn't talk about Disney or celebrities without being called gay, I deleted pop songs on my iPod so my friends wouldn't see my "gay" taste in music, I only talked about things everyone else liked (The Office, the Megan Fox vs Jessica Alba hotness debate, whatever Kanye was doing) so I knew I wouldn't get judged if I talked about them. If you go back on my Facebook, you can see direct evidence of this. One of my favorites is me photoshopping myself with Kristen Bell and Megan Fox, pretending to have a crush on both.
God only knows what is happening in this picture.
And this revelation of "I tried to be cool in high school" is nothing new, I know. I'm not pretending it is. Everyone's gone through this in some form. In my case, I just interpreted how society perceived me being different as something to be extremely shameful about every single day.
This was something I coped with some days better than others. But it was unfulfilling not being able to say I loved Demi Lovato's music. Or that I wanted to see High School Musical 3 in theaters (I saw it a decade later in 2018, it sucked). Thankfully, when I started college, I was done with this poisonous, complacent mentality, and I did something different: I talked about what I liked and what I didn't like, without fear of judgement. And that is one of the best decisions I've ever made.
In college, and since high school, I've made it a point to be more vulnerable, whether it's in person, on social media, writing this post, wherever. Not vulnerable like "hi person I just met at this party, you're my therapist now," but just more willing to express myself as I once tried not to do at a crucial time in developing my identity. An example of this was in 2015, when I decided to make a list of my most favorite pop songs of that year. 4 years later, that countdown, now a personal tradition, remains strong. And since we're about to start a new decade, I decided to honor the last decade of music I've listened to (even listing some I shut out while growing up) for you all here. And it's got plenty Demi Lovato, Beyoncé, and sadly even some Kanye. Because there's nothing wrong with having overlapping tastes with cool high schoolers :)
People ask me why I rank my favorite songs. One, because I love sharing the things I love now. Two, because it shows me how far I've came.
Happy new decade!
Ian
Or as I was known on AIM, computerdude12 đ
Scroll down for the list, but also are some spotify playlists if that's more convenient!
Left: Top 200, Right: Top 1000 đ„”
THE LIST:
100: Say Yes (feat. Beyoncé & Kelly Rowland) - Michelle Williams
99: Doing It (feat. Rita Ora) - Charli XCX
98: All Too Well - Taylor Swift
97: Ugly Heart - G.R.L.
96: Despacito (feat. Justin Bieber) [Remix] - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee
95: I'm Not The Only One - Sam Smith
94: Take Me to Church - Hozier
93: Amazing - Foxes
92: Dancing On My Own - Robyn
91: Super Bass - Nicki Minaj
90: Popular Song (feat. Ariana Grande) - MIKA
89: Rolling In the Deep - Adele
88: Fight Song - Rachel Platten
87: Move - Little Mix
86: Truth Hurts - Lizzo
85: For You (Fifty Shades Freed) - Liam Payne & Rita Ora
84: Dressed In Black - Sia
83: Got Me Good - Ciara
82: IDGAF - Dua Lipa
81: Dusk Till Dawn (feat. Sia) [Radio Edit] - ZAYN
80: Your Song - Rita Ora
79: Uptown Funk (feat. Bruno Mars) - Mark Ronson
78: Motivation (feat. Lil Wayne) - Kelly Rowland
77: Monster - Kanye West, Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj & Bon Iver
76: This Is Me - Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman Ensemble
75: Higher (feat. Labrinth) - Sigma
74: On the Floor (feat. Pitbull) Jennifer Lopez
73: Princess of China - Coldplay & Rihanna
72: Say You Love Me - Jessie Ware
71: Poison - Rita Ora
70: Motivation - Normani
69: Never Really Over - Katy Perry
68: Can't Remember To Forget You (feat. Rihanna) - Shakira
67: I Like It - Cardi B, Bad Bunny & J Balvin
66: Sweet but Psycho - Ava Max
65: Timber (feat. Ke$ha) - Pitbull
64: Anaconda - Nicki Minaj
63: New Rules - Dua Lipa
62: 2002 - Anne-Marie
61: With You - Kaskade & Meghan Trainor
60: Siren Song - MARUV
59: Rather Be (feat. Jess Glynne) - Clean Bandit
58: Black Heart - Stooshe
57: Let It Go - Idina Menzel
56: Into You - Ariana Grande
55: Try - P!NK
54: We Are Young (feat. Janelle MonĂĄe) - fun.
53: Ex's & Oh's - Elle King
52: Genius (feat. Sia, Diplo & Labrinth) - LSD
51: Bloody Monster - Deqn Sue
50: Lips Are Movin - Meghan Trainor
49: Latch (feat. Sam Smith) - Disclosure
48: Done For Me (feat. Kehlani) - Charlie Puth
47: Sunday Morning (feat. Josie Dunne) - Matoma
46: 212 (feat. Lazy Jay) - Azealia Banks
45: Greedy - Ariana Grande
44: All of the Lights - Kanye West
43: Walkashame - Meghan Trainor
42: Formation - Beyonce
41: Making the Most of the Night - Carly Rae Jepsen
40: Troublemaker (feat. Flo Rida) - Olly Murs
39: We Can't Stop - Miley Cyrus
38: Shallow - Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper
37: Somethin’ Bad (with Carrie Underwood) - Miranda Lambert
36: Rumour Has It / Someone Like You (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast
35: Blank Space - Taylor Swift
34: Oops (feat. Charlie Puth) - Little Mix
33: She Got Me - Luca HĂ€nni
32: Slow Down - Selena Gomez
31: Finesse (Remix) [feat. Cardi B] - Bruno Mars
30: Bartender - Lady Antebellum
29: Bailando (Spanish Version) [feat. Descemer Bueno & Gente de Zona] - Enrique Iglesias
28: Bang Bang - Jessie J, Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj
27: Classic - MKTO
26: Side To Side (feat. Nicki Minaj) - Ariana Grande
25: Good Girl - Carrie Underwood
24: Countdown - Beyoncé
23: Heart to Break - Kim Petras
22: Ghost - Ella Henderson
21: Kill My Boyfriend - Natalia Kills
20: Woman (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns) - Kesha
19: Want You in My Room - Carly Rae Jepsen
18: Roses (feat. ROZES) - The Chainsmokers
17: Yoga - Janelle MonĂĄe & Jidenna
16: Do What U Want (feat. Christina Aguilera) - Lady Gaga
15: Talk Dirty (feat. 2 Chainz) - Jason Derulo
14: Want U Back - Cher Lloyd
13: The Middle - Zedd, Maren Morris & Grey
12: Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) - Kelly Clarkson
11: California Winter - Bonnie McKee
10: Black Magic - Little Mix
9: Dark Horse (feat. Juicy J) - Katy Perry
8: Love on Top - Beyoncé
7: Sorry Not Sorry - Demi Lovato
6: NO - Meghan Trainor
5: Everybody Talks - Neon Trees
4: What's My Name? - Rihanna & Drake
3: Problem (feat. Iggy Azalea) - Ariana Grande
2: Telephone - Lady GaGa & Beyoncé
1: Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson
