Destiny's Step Child

Sunday, December 31, 2023

Top 50 Pop Songs of 2023

This is my ninth year in a row of doing this! To me this is more traditional than watching a super bowl on a sunday. In terms of music, it wasn't the best year for pop so some spots on this list are filled by more R&B and hip hop than in years past. So enjoy that

In 2023 we learned:

we need to bring back key changes in songs
the government should hire more gay people (endless entertainment)
to stop drinking IPAs, because why

Let's move on

KEY (some moods of 2023 to complement the music)

👠 = serving c***

🤷‍♂️ = who cares let's end it all

🖤 = I just bought sequin pants, how can I keep chasing this high

🐦 = ~~twitter~~ X tried to tell me this was bad and I didn't care

🧢 = actually fam I am not gay, there is no way a gay person could listen to this song

🌏 = he's cultured because he watched Eurovision

🙂 = no thoughts head empty

🎭 = why did I feature this man's ballad? I have no idea

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST

just picking an article thumbnail

#50: BONGOS - CARDI B & MEGAN THEE STALLION 🐦

#49: EXES - TATE MCRAE 👠🐦

pic.twitter.com/ESqNGkS0eS
— v (@ViralContentz) December 10, 2023

#48: RED WINE SUPERNOVA - CHAPPELL ROAN 🧢

#47: BREAKING UP WITH JESUS - RÊVE 🖤

#46: SHOOTING STAR - XG 🧢

#45: SO SPECIAL - CITIZEN QUEEN 🙂

#44: MADE FOR ME - MUNI LONG 🙂

#43: USE ME (BRUTAL HEARTS) - DIPLO, STURGILL SIMPSON, DOVE CAMERON 🙂

#42: STRANGER - SUNMI 🖤

#41: ESCAPISM. - RAYE & 070 SHAKE 🖤

#40: SMOKE (FEAT. LUCKY DAYE) - VICTORIA MONÉT 🙂

#39: ONE OF YOUR GIRLS - TROYE SIVAN 👠

#38: TASTES LIKE YOU - ELLIE GOULDING 🙂

#37: F2F - SZA 👠

#36: WATCH IT - THE BOYZ 🖤

#35: PADAM PADAM - KYLIE MINOGUE 🧢

#34: CHA CHA CHA - KÄÄRIJÄ 👠 🌏

#33: MAMA'S EYES - METTE 🤷‍♂️

#32: ALIVE - THE SCARLET OPERA 🎭

#31: WORTH IT. - RAYE 🙂

#30: BREAK A BROKEN HEART - ANDREW LAMBROU 🌏

#29: INTO YOUR ROOM - HOLLY HUMBERSTONE 🤷‍♂️

#28: BEGIN AGAIN - JESSIE WARE 🧢

#27: PINK - LIZZO 🙂 🧢

#26: SATELLITE - BEBE REXHA & SNOOP DOGG 🙂

#25: YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED - PNAU & TROYE SIVAN 🙂

#24: REASON - DREAMCATCHER 👠

#23: HANDS - KYLIE MINOGUE 🖤

#22: F**K - SNOW WIFE 👠

#21: THE THRILL IS GONE. - RAYE 🖤

#20: MAKEUP - SLAYYYTER & LOLO ZOUAÏ 👠

#19: ÉVIDEMMENT - LA ZARRA 🌏

#18: STANDING NEXT TO YOU - JUNG KOOK 🖤

#17: SUPER GRAPHIC ULTRA MODERN GIRL - CHAPPELL ROAN 🖤

#16: DON'T GO INSANE - DPR IAN 🖤

#15: FLOWERS - MILEY CYRUS 🤷‍♂️

#14: CONTROL FREAK - FLO 🤷‍♂️

#13: OUT ALPHA THE ALPHA - MEGAN THEE STALLION 👠

#12: PEARLS - JESSIE WARE 🖤

#11: DISCO AT THE STRIP CLUB - RÊVE 🖤

#10: MOTHER - MEGHAN TRAINOR 🐦

#9: EVE - PRECIOUS PEPALA 🤷‍♂️

#8: DESPECHÁ RMX - ROSALÍA & CARDI B 👠

#7: OSCAR WINNING TEARS. - RAYE 🤷‍♂️

#6: WHO THE HELL IS EDGAR? - TEYA & SALENA 🌏

#5: DANCING'S DONE - AVA MAX 🖤

#4: FANTASY - LAUREN SPENCER SMITH, GAYLE & EM BEIHOLD 🧢

#3: UNICORN - NOA KIREL 🌏

#2: DANCE THE NIGHT - DUA LIPA 🙂

#1: VAMPIRE - OLIVIA RODRIGO 🤷‍♂️

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Better Place - *NSYNC & Justin Timberlake

Stadium Love - Carly Rae Jepsen

Runaway - Daniel Seavey

Pretty Girl Era - LU KALA

3 Boys - Omar Apollo

Bad Woman - Paloma Faith

I’m Not Here to Make Friends - Sam Smith, Calvin Harris & Jessie Reyez

I Love Hollywood! - Slayyyter

Rush - Troye Sivan

My Lover Is Sleeping - Wasia Project

PAST #1s:

2005 - 1, 2 Step (feat. Missy Elliott) - Ciara

2006 - Promiscuous (feat. Timbaland) - Nelly Furtado

2007 - Fergalicious (feat. Will.i.am) - Fergie

2008 - 4 Minutes (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland) - Madonna

2009 - Knock You Down (feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo) - Keri Hilson

2010 - Telephone - Lady Gaga & Beyoncé

2011 - Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson

2012 - Everybody Talks - Neon Trees

2013 - Do What U Want (feat. R Kelly) - Lady Gaga

2014 - Problem (feat. Iggy Azalea) - Ariana Grande

2015 - California Winter - Bonnie McKee

2016 - NO - Meghan Trainor

2017 - Woman (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns) - Kesha

2018 - The Middle - Zedd, Maren Morris & Grey

2019 - Want You In My Room - Carly Rae Jepsen

2020 - WAP (feat. Megan Thee Stallion) - Cardi B

2021 - Kiss Me More (feat. SZA) - Doja Cat

2022 - Cardboard Box - FLO

2023 - Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo

Friday, December 30, 2022

Top 50 Pop Songs of 2022

Hey, it's Che Diaz!

Can you believe I've done this for 8 years in a row? And in all that time we had more Avatar movies than Keri Hilson singles?

I am proud of this year's top 50 (and the top 200 on the playlist below), I think it's my favorite list yet.

KEY:
😴 = R&B
👑 = GAY
🤬 = NOT IN ENGLISH
♣️ = WOULD PLAY IN A CLUB
❄️ = EDGY
❌ = MEN
🥛 = sorry everyone next time I will try to not include meghan trainor but I was not born perfect

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST (spoiler alert! It's in order 1-50, it's also embedded below)

don't mind me I'm just giving this article a thumbnail

#50: YOUYOUYOU - TOVE STYRKE 👑

#49: BLACK MASCARA. - RAYE ♣️❄️

#48: ITS ALL GOOD - NEON DREAMS ❌

#47: MUSIC FOR A SUSHI RESTAURANT - HARRY STYLES ❌❄️

#46: HOW LONG - TOVE LO ❄️

#45: TACONES ROJOS - SEBASTIÁN YATRA & JOHN LEGEND 🤬❌

#44: FIRE - EXID 🤬👑

#43: MOTIONS - DAVE AUDÉ & ZEE MACHINE ♣️❌

#42: LUCKY - MEGHAN TRAINOR 👑🥛

#41: IT GETS DARK - SIGRID 👑❄️

#40: EN EL COCHE - AITANA 🤬👑

#39: SCANDALOUS - GRYFFIN & TINASHE ♣️

#38: THOUGHT ABOUT THAT - NOA KIREL 👑

#37: PITY PARTY - JAMIE 👑

#36: DO YOU WELL (FEAT. PERFUME GENIUS) - NAKHANE ❌

#35: YOUR MIND - GREENTEA PENG ❄️😴

#34: HONEST (FEAT. SLAYYYTER) - PEKING DUK 👑♣️

#33: GIRLS LIKE ME DON'T CRY - THUY 😴

#32: BOOTY (FEAT. LATTO) - SAUCY SANTANA ♣️👑

#31: SWEETEST PIE - MEGAN THEE STALLION & DUA LIPA 👑

#30: FEATURE ME - FLO 😴

#29: MADE YOU LOOK - MEGHAN TRAINOR 🥛🥛🥛

#28: AFTER LIKE - IVE 👑🤬

#27: ANTAGONISTA - BELÉN AGUILERA 🤬❄️

#26: NOBODY LIKE U (FROM "TURNING RED) - 4*TOWN ❌❌❌❌

#25: ENTERTAIN ME - YLONA GARCIA 👑

#24: FOR THE NIGHT - CHLÖE & LATTO 😴👑

#23: FRANKENSTEIN - RINA SAWAYAMA 👑

#22: 2 BE LOVED (AM I READY) - LIZZO 😴👑

#21: HONEY - SOLAR 🤬

#20: COCONUTS - KIM PETRAS 👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

#19: 2NLUV (FEAT. BENZIBOY) - JENEVIEVE 😴

#18: TASTE SO GOOD (THE CANN SONG) [FEAT. HAYLEY KIYOKO, MNEK & KESHA] - VINCINT 👑❌

#17: SKYLINE - KHALID ❌😴

#16: IMMATURE - FLO 😴

#15: LALALA - ANGEL22 🤬❄️

#14: NO ID - TANK AND THE BANGAS 😴

#13: IT'S ONLY LOVE, NOBODY DIES - SOFIA CARSON 👑

#12: FOLLOW ME - SAM FELDT & RITA ORA ♣️

#11: THIS HELL - RINA SAWAYAMA 👑

#10: SO WHAT - BOYS WORLD 👑

#9: CUFF IT - BEYONCÉ 😴👑♣️

#8: MADONNA - LUNA 👑🤬

#7: TONGUE - RÊVE ♣️👑❄️

#6: LOBBY - ANITTA & MISSY ELLIOTT 👑

#5: THE LONELIEST TIME (FEAT. RUFUS WAINWRIGHT) - CARLY RAE JEPSEN 👑

#4: WONDERLAND - ALEXA 👑❄️

#3: TREAT ME - CHLÖE 😴

#2: HOLD ME CLOSER - CORNELIA JAKOBS 👑

#1: CARDBOARD BOX - FLO 👑😴

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Surrender My Heart - Carly Rae Jepsen 👑
Baby - Charli XCX 👑♣️❄️
JUMP (feat. Coast Contra) - Ciara 😴♣️
Dance Around It (feat. Brandi Carlile & Sheryl Crow) - Lucius 👑❄️
Let Love Go (feat. Lil Tecca) - Mabel 😴
What Would You Do? - Tate McRae ❄️
BOP BOP! - VIVIZ 🤬👑
Wolf - Yeah Yeah Yeahs ❄️

PAST #1s:

2005 - 1, 2 Step (feat. Missy Elliott) - Ciara

2006 - Promiscuous (feat. Timbaland) - Nelly Furtado

2007 - Fergalicious (feat. Will.i.am) - Fergie

2008 - 4 Minutes (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland) - Madonna

2009 - Knock You Down (feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo) - Keri Hilson

2010 - Telephone - Lady Gaga & Beyoncé

2011 - Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson

2012 - Everybody Talks - Neon Trees

2013 - Do What U Want (feat. R Kelly) - Lady Gaga

2014 - Problem (feat. Iggy Azalea) - Ariana Grande

2015 - California Winter - Bonnie McKee

2016 - NO - Meghan Trainor 🥛

2017 - Woman (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns) - Kesha

2018 - The Middle - Zedd, Maren Morris & Grey

2019 - Want You In My Room - Carly Rae Jepsen

2020 - WAP (feat. Megan Thee Stallion) - Cardi B

2021 - Kiss Me More (feat. SZA) - Doja Cat

2022 - Cardboard Box - FLO

Friday, December 31, 2021

Top 50 Pop Songs of 2021

A few times during this year I envision writing this post and relaying something meaningful and reflective that encapsulates my thoughts on 2021. I should learn to stop hyping things up mentally for me if I don't end up doing them. But here are a few minor thoughts.

2021 gave us the return of ABBA but not Keri Hilson (I would prob take ABBA obviously but it's Sophie's Choice for me). We got a 4th Matrix but somehow National Treasure 3 is being turned into a tv show without Nic Cage. We didn't see Samantha Jones but we saw... (spoiler alert) Tobey Maguire's Spider Man, cool. And we had 2 Disney movies but one of them involved LMM 🤢. None of those are related to each other but this year I learned to especially let myself be open to surprises.

But I will say this is my 7th year in a row of doing this and I find that pretty cool. I can't write every day but I can list 50 songs a year. So I'm not sure how I ever survived high school in the Silicon Valley.

queen

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST:

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

We're Good - Dua Lipa

Best Friend (feat. Doja Cat) - Saweetie

drivers license - Olivia Rodrigo

Stupid Boy (feat. Big Freedia) - Slayyyter

Starlight - Yola

Can I Get It - Adele

Obsessed - Addison Rae (LOL don't judge me... bop)

Meaningless - Charlotte Cardin

Dream of You - Chung Ha & R3HAB

Galipette - Lolo Zouaï

Run - OneRepublic

Lucy - Salt Ashes

Last Dance - Stefania

SONGS FROM LAST YEAR I WANTED TO INCLUDE BUT TOO LATE:

The Hardest Part - Olivia Dean

Girlfriends - Boys World

Wired - Sonny Fodera & Ella Eyre

Levitating (Remix) - Dua Lipa & [REDACTED]

Foreplay (feat. Pnksand) - David Blank & ilromantico

THE LIST:

#50: BETTER DAYS - NEIKED, MAE MULLER, POLO G

#49: OSTON - I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE

#48: UP - CARDI B
when I say pop I mean it loosely

#47: DIVING - EVANGELIA & KELVIN JONES

#46: DUMB DUMB - JEON SOMI

#45: DRAMATIC - CAT & CALMELL

#44: BONNIE & CLYDE - YUQI

#43: BED - JOEL CORRY, RAYE & DAVID GUETTA
but kind of iconic/bad lyrics

#42: KILL MY HEART (FEAT. PARSON JAMES & QVEEN HERBY) - VINCINT

#41: NO - LITTLE MIX
adding to my yearly tradition of giving Little Mix something near 40-42nd place because they decided to show up (and sadly this will likely be their last year of doing so)

#40: THE FEELS - TWICE

#39: LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN - BRUNO MARS, ANDERSON .PAAK, SILK SONIC

#38: CACHITO - DANNA PAOLA, MAU Y RICKY

#37: BRUTAL - OLIVIA RODRIGO

#36: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (FEAT. PINK SWEAT$) - HONNE

#35: SYMPTOM OF YOUR TOUCH - ALY & AJ
olivia wasn't the only disney channel star who decided to do something this year :)

#34: THAT'S WHAT I WANT - LIL NAS X

#33: HAVE MERCY - CHLOE

#32: RELAPSE - FAANGS

#31: STRANGERS AGAIN - VICTORIA NADINE

#30: ONE NIGHT - GRIFF

#29: ALL MY GIRLS LIKE TO FIGHT - HOPE TALA

#28: PATIENCE - JORDAN SUASTE

#27: DOPAMINE - PURPLE DISCO MACHINE

#26: LOLA - MORGAN ST. JEAN

#25: BUTTER (REMIX) - BTS & MEGAN THEE STALLION
imagine not preferring the remix...

#24: IN CASE YOU MISS ME - JOHN K

#23: HERE COMES THE NIGHT - AGNES

#22: ALL YOUR EXES - JULIA MICHAELS

#21: RUMORS - LIZZO & CARDI B

#20: OH MY GOD - ADELE

#19: COLD HEART (PNAU REMIX) - ELTON JOHN & DUA LIPA

#18: LALA - BATHSHEBA

#17: LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE - ZARA LARSSON

#16: DO IT AGAIN - SOFIA KARLBERG

#15: SUGAR - NATALIA GORDIENKO

#14: MAMA DON'T KNOW - RUBEN

#13: A SECOND TO MIDNIGHT - KYLIE MINOGUE & YEARS & YEARS

#12: GOOD 4 U - OLIVIA RODRIGO

#11: DON'T SHUT ME DOWN - ABBA
I had to put them here somehow! Couldn't resist

#10: WOMAN OF THE HOUR - STELA COLE
listened to this right as I touched down on a plane to Fiji as the chorus hit... euphoric

#9: I DRINK WINE - ADELE

#8: OVERDRIVE - CONAN GRAY

#7: CRAVE - YEARS & YEARS

#6: MONTERO (CALL ME BY YOUR NAME) - LIL NAS X

#5: LAST LOVE - SINEAD HARNETT

#4: GOOD ONES - CHARLI XCX

#3: HAPPIER THAN EVER - BILLIE EILISH

#2: DEJA VU - OLIVIA RODRIGO
sorry to Will Arbuckle... shortly before you told me this was your #1 of the year I finalized this placement

#1: KISS ME MORE (FEAT. SZA) - DOJA CAT

PAST #1s:

2005 - 1, 2 Step (feat. Missy Elliott) - Ciara

2006 - Promiscuous (feat. Timbaland) - Nelly Furtado

2007 - Fergalicious (feat. Will.i.am) - Fergie

2008 - 4 Minutes (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland) - Madonna

2009 - Knock You Down (feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo) - Keri Hilson

2010 - Telephone - Lady Gaga & Beyoncé

2011 - Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson

2012 - Everybody Talks - Neon Trees

2013 - Do What U Want (feat. R Kelly) - Lady Gaga

2014 - Problem (feat. Iggy Azalea) - Ariana Grande

2015 - California Winter - Bonnie McKee

2016 - NO - Meghan Trainor

2017 - Woman (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns) - Kesha

2018 - The Middle - Zedd, Maren Morris & Grey

2019 - Want You In My Room - Carly Rae Jepsen

2020 - WAP (feat. Megan Thee Stallion) - Cardi B

2021 - Kiss Me More (feat. SZA) - Doja Cat

Thursday, December 31, 2020

Top 50 Songs of 2020

I don't really care to say anything reflective of 2020. Let's hope next year is better.

Scroll down for the spotify playlist :)

legend

THE LIST

#50: JOAN OF ARC ON THE DANCE FLOOR - ALY & AJ

They never know when to stop and I love them for it 🥰

#49: WHAT A MAN GOTTA DO - JONAS BROTHERS

#48: THE OTHER SIDE - JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, SZA

Did I mention this is from TROLLS: WORLD TOUR?

#47: JOKE'S ON YOU - CHARLOTTE LAWRENCE
Did I mention this is from one of the best movies of the year, BIRDS OF PREY?

#46: FLAMES - R3HAB, ZAYN & JUNGLEBOI
Lyrically? Meh. But does it make me run faster? Duh

#45: CONTROL - ZOE WEES

#44: EAT THEM APPLES - SUZI WU
There are few things in my life I've heard like this song, which might or might not feature a satanic ritual. And now apparently APPLE is using it in its commercials (but taking out the part where she sings about apples? make it make sense) so it's not as fun anymore.

#43: WHO YOU LOVIN - LÉON

#42: JUST A GIRL - GRACE DAVIES

#41: CRAVE - KIESZA

#40: NOTHING BUT MY FEELINGS - LITTLE MIX
rip to this lovely group which will always outsell fifth harmony in every way, shape and form

#39: CALL YOUR NAME - TORA

#38: POV - ARIANA GRANDE
I capitalized the song! Sorry ariana!

#37: REACT - THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS

The return of PCD was a welcome surprise this year right? Or did it cause the pandemic hmm...

#36: NAKED - JONAS BLUE & MAX

#35: HALLUCINATE - DUA LIPA

#34: MOVE - THE MAMAS
EuRoViSiOn iS GoOd!

#33: CRY - CUT_

#32: CAMERA FLASH - JONES

#31: RAIN ON ME - LADY GAGA & ARIANA GRANDE

#30: HIT 'N' RUN - BATHSHEBA

#29: LITTLE BIT OF LOVE - KESHA

#28: LOVE AGAIN - DUA LIPA

#27: PINK PONY CLUB - CHAPPELL ROAN
a song about WeSt HoLlyWoOd

#26: THINK ABOUT THINGS - DAðI FREYR

EuRoViSiOn

#25: WOMAN (FEAT. LIANNE LA HAVAS) - NAO

#24: STAND UP - CYNTHIA ERIVO

#23: PURPOSE - DAVINA MICHELLE
Might be what I've sang the most in the shower from this whole list!

#22: HEART BROKE - MALIA CIVETZ

#21: DON'T GO - ISABELA MERCED & DANNA PAOLA

#20: OMG WHAT'S HAPPENING - AVA MAX

#19: WATERMELON SUGAR - HARRY STYLES

#18: OXYGEN - WINONA OAK & ROBIN SCHULZ

#17: WON'T BITE (FEAT. SMINO) - DOJA CAT

#16: FALLIN' (ADRENALINE) - WHY DON'T WE

#15: BLINDING LIGHTS - THE WEEKND

I don't even like The Weeknd but this song is incredible. Imagine listening to what the Grammys have to say anyways... They suck. Remember they never nominated Carly Rae Jepsen's EMOTION, for anything.

#14: LEVITATING (FEAT. DABABY) - DUA LIPA

#13: SUGAR - ELÍSABET

#12: TONIGHT - KESHA

#11: XS - RINA SAWAYAMA

#10: ATTENTION - ULRIKKE
EuRoViSiOn

#9: SAY SO - DOJA CAT

#8: BEND THE KNEE - BRUNO MARTINI, IZA, TIMBALAND

Timbaland was a king when I was in middle school and he still is <3

#7: PHYSICAL - DUA LIPA

#6: LOVE OF YOUR LOVE - RAYE

When I first heard this song my jaw dropped. RAYE is slept on by everyone. Last year she released LOVE ME AGAIN which also made my top 10.

#5: FADED - IZZY BIZU

#4: 5 OF YOUR EXES - VVAVES

#3: DAMN DANIEL - BREE RUNWAY & YUNG BABY TATE

#2: BREAK MY HEART - DUA LIPA

This woman really almost saved us from this year. If her next album is half as good as this... I won't accept the lack of quality but it'll still be better than what most people are putting out these days.

#1: WAP (FEAT. MEGAN THEE STALLION) - CARDI B

Linked an explicit cut of the video because I don't like gushies.

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (50 of which are in the spotify playlist):

Birthday Suit - Kesha

Let It Be - The Mamas

Mi Amor - Nova Miller

Wired - Sonny Fodera & Ella Eyre

Pporappippam - SUNMI

Love Like Mine - Stela Cole

2019 Songs I discovered too late but wanted to mention:

Half Love - Red Hearse

Wear Your Love - Aly Ryan

PAST #1s:

2005 - 1, 2 Step (feat. Missy Elliott) - Ciara

2006 - Promiscuous (feat. Timbaland) - Nelly Furtado

2007 - Fergalicious (feat. Will.i.am) - Fergie

2008 - 4 Minutes (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland) - Madonna

2009 - Knock You Down (feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo) - Keri Hilson

2010 - Telephone - Lady Gaga & Beyoncé

2011 - Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson

2012 - Everybody Talks - Neon Trees

2013 - Do What U Want (feat. R Kelly) - Lady Gaga

2014 - Problem (feat. Iggy Azalea) - Ariana Grande

2015 - California Winter - Bonnie McKee

2016 - NO - Meghan Trainor

2017 - Woman (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns) - Kesha

2018 - The Middle - Zedd, Maren Morris & Grey

2019 - Want You In My Room - Carly Rae Jepsen

2020 - WAP (feat. Meghan Thee Stallion) - Cardi B

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Top 100 Pop Songs of the Decade

Every year, people ask me why I rank my favorite songs. Let me think about that...

When I look back at the beginning of the decade, I see myself in high school. And while it's a safe bet that most of us are somewhat embarrassed by who we were 10 years ago, especially when you're trying to finish puberty, I don't really cringe too much at what I used to wear (although I should!), what I thought was cool (or as we'd say back then, coolio) or what my AIM screen name used to be. That being said, I deserve to be a social pariah for wearing shutter shades for an 8th grade phase, but that was 2008. Sorry, I'm being vulnerable. There's a point to this. Anyways...

Instead, when I look back at who I was 10 years ago, I mostly feel empty. When you're growing up and just realizing you're gay, the world can be cruel to you, or at least you perceive that to be the case. Everyone used the word "gay" in such a negative context that I was made to feel that gay would be the worst thing in the world to be. So growing up in a time where that was the biggest buzz word for bullies reminded me every day of how terrible of a person my peers, but mostly just me, thought I was. My response to that? Pretending it didn't exist. Anything about my personality that I perceived to be effeminate, whether it was the things I said, the movies/shows I liked or the music I listened to, I tried to hide, or worse, stop. This, in a perfect cocktail with the social anxiety I already had, is why I look back and feel empty.

To be honest, I probably did a shit job at hiding that. I wore a Chelsea Lately T-shirt to school and tennis practice some days. (My defense back then? "She's hot!") But that aggressive mentality of trying to conceal or change my interests naturally made it emotionally taxing in the journey to become my own person. I couldn't talk about Disney or celebrities without being called gay, I deleted pop songs on my iPod so my friends wouldn't see my "gay" taste in music, I only talked about things everyone else liked (The Office, the Megan Fox vs Jessica Alba hotness debate, whatever Kanye was doing) so I knew I wouldn't get judged if I talked about them. If you go back on my Facebook, you can see direct evidence of this. One of my favorites is me photoshopping myself with Kristen Bell and Megan Fox, pretending to have a crush on both.

God only knows what is happening in this picture.

And this revelation of "I tried to be cool in high school" is nothing new, I know. I'm not pretending it is. Everyone's gone through this in some form. In my case, I just interpreted how society perceived me being different as something to be extremely shameful about every single day.

This was something I coped with some days better than others. But it was unfulfilling not being able to say I loved Demi Lovato's music. Or that I wanted to see High School Musical 3 in theaters (I saw it a decade later in 2018, it sucked). Thankfully, when I started college, I was done with this poisonous, complacent mentality, and I did something different: I talked about what I liked and what I didn't like, without fear of judgement. And that is one of the best decisions I've ever made.

In college, and since high school, I've made it a point to be more vulnerable, whether it's in person, on social media, writing this post, wherever. Not vulnerable like "hi person I just met at this party, you're my therapist now," but just more willing to express myself as I once tried not to do at a crucial time in developing my identity. An example of this was in 2015, when I decided to make a list of my most favorite pop songs of that year. 4 years later, that countdown, now a personal tradition, remains strong. And since we're about to start a new decade, I decided to honor the last decade of music I've listened to (even listing some I shut out while growing up) for you all here. And it's got plenty Demi Lovato, Beyoncé, and sadly even some Kanye. Because there's nothing wrong with having overlapping tastes with cool high schoolers :)

People ask me why I rank my favorite songs. One, because I love sharing the things I love now. Two, because it shows me how far I've came.

Happy new decade!
Ian
Or as I was known on AIM, computerdude12 😔

Scroll down for the list, but also are some spotify playlists if that's more convenient!

Left: Top 200, Right: Top 1000 🥵

THE LIST:

100: Say Yes (feat. Beyoncé & Kelly Rowland) - Michelle Williams